Written by Ossurworld
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 19 August 2012

Hiyo, Silver! Introducing the Speedster Bullet now ricocheting off the walls of Gillette Stadium.

Bill Belichick seems to want the silver Olympic medal, and by hook or crook he intends to get one.

It's in the form of Jeff Demps.

As arguably the fastest man ever to put on a football uniform, he is heading to Foxboro and the Patriots. Here he will return punts and run like the wind.

The Jets will look like they are backed up on the runway when Demps plays against them. Fellow Gator Tebow knows.

The hype cannot be quicker than the eye, except in Demps' case. We blinked and missed Bill Belichick giving a pooh-pooh to the notion of an Olympian signing with the Patriots.

Belichick knows better than to enflame fan interest, and the Olympic flame could be too bright for head coach. After all, he's the fellow who extinguished the summer of Gronk, which was bigger than the London extravaganza.

Last time Bostonians heard that a magical player was coming to town, it was Daisuke Matsuzaka, and we all know how well that translated into professional American sport.

Demps is different. Without a language barrier, he has only to be himself: faster than a speeding bullet. If he can fly over 300 pound tacklers, we will breathe easier.

Alas, Demps may be in the dwarf star league with Danny Woodhead. At 5'7", the sprinter who won the silver medal in London may be a mini-rocket on the field, but he may also be an inch shorter than Woodhead.

We worry about having mountains of flesh fall atop him in an avalanche of ugly upon pulchritude. We must not fear: the Patriots have signed a combination Superman and Lone Ranger to ride to the goal with every kickoff.

Make Ossurworld's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 1?

1 2 12 3

Go to top