Written by Ossurworld
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Topics: Red Sox

Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Red Sox players have accused Bobby Valentine of stealing the strawberries from the ship's galley, like a team of Captain Queegs on the U.S.S. Caine.

Herman Wouk wrote a tale about a fictional American mutiny on a ship at war. In the present day Red Sox story, the captain of the ship is the only one who has not stolen the strawberries.

In this case, the entire ship of fools took the strawberries and the shortcake-and now the Red Sox are beginning to realize they look like the worst group of baseball players since the 1962 Mets.

But that was a loveable team.

This group has more poison in its tentacles than a box jelly fish. We are amazed that Bobby Valentine is still walking after having two dozen stings on his aging body.

The Red Sox players admit they held a meeting with ownership to demand that the manager bite the bullet and then bite the dust. Of course, it had nothing to do with firing Valentine. It was just to "clear the air."

More likely, the result was to suck the air out of any room in which Bobby Valentine tried to breathe.

Like Agatha Christie's Ten Little Indians, the offending players have slowly been picked off-one by one. Anyone who vaguely resembles a malcontent (Marco Scutaro, Kevin Youkilis, and now Kelly Shoppach) has been sent packing to the netherworld in baseball where players enjoy the game and actually like their teammates.

Poor sods. They escaped the combo nuthouse snake-pit that has become the 2012 Boston Red Sox.

We may see a growing list of players who also wish to be traded for a "player to be named later." Anything, anywhere. Real players may just want to get out of this place.

Who will be the next player to steal the strawberries?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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