Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 13 August 2012

image for The Miami Dolphins Drop-Kick Chad Ochocinco
Chad Ochocinco's wife of one month, Evelyn, found a box of glow-in-the-dark condoms in the trunk of his car.

MIAMI - A spokesperson for the NFL Miami Dolphins, Clyde "Cleats" Cantabrini, has just stated that they have terminated wide receiver Chad Johnson, better known as Chad Ochocinco (#85).

Cantabrini spoke with Tango Brisket, a reporter with Sports Territory Magazine, and informed him that the Miami Dolphins are an NFL organization and not The Ringling Brothers, Barnun & Bailey Circus.

Ochocinco was terminated within 24 hours of being arrested for allegedly headbutting his wife while wearing his Dolphins football helmet.

The flamboyant, outspoken receiver told police officers who investigated the incident that his wife of one month, the enticingly sensuous Evelyn Lozada, had cut her forehead when she tried to give herself some botox injections.

Evelyn Lozada-Johnson-Ochocinco told officers that her husband had also throw a regulation NFL football at her, hitting her in her ample bosom and giving her one hell of a headache, which she has said she has not been able to get rid of with Tylenol, Ibuprofen, and Aleve.

When she was asked what prompted her husband's sudden, maniacal outburst she replied that it was simply because she had asked him about a case of glow-in-the-dark condoms that she had found in the trunk of his car.

At first the perp (Ochocinco) told officers that other officers had planted the case of condoms in his car trunk.

He has since changed his story and now says that he had purchased the glow-in-the-dark condoms to give to his best friend fellow NFL player Terrell Owens of the Seattle Seahawks as a friendship appreciation gift.

SIDENOTE: Sports Territory Magazine contacted Mr. Owens who adamantly stated that he does not use condoms and especially not those silly glow-in-the-dark ones because when women see them on they start giggling and they can't stop.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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