Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Thursday, 9 August 2012

image for Aussies Bemoan Dismal Olympic Showing
Coverage of a medal ceremony with an Aussie on the podium

Aussies, for whom sport is bigger than Jesus Christ and Dame Edna Everidge, are distraught as Team Australia has failed to deliver the gold medals they craved and expected from London 2012.

They have endured seeing the 'mother country', Britain, enjoy a flood of gold medals, whilst Australia, at one point, was languishing behind Ethiopia in the medal table. Flags have been lowered to half mast and commuters are to be seen going to work wearing black armbands.

In fact such is the sense of disappointment and shame, all Australian TV channels have pulled the plug on their coverage of London 2012. Instead, one channel is broadcasting repeats of the last Ashes series Australia won, whilst another is running a continuous loop of Don Bradman appearing on This Is Your Life.

The Head of Programming at the Australian Broadcasting Corporation told us, "We have even had requests from viewers for a repeat of the 2003 Rugby World Cup Final. The consensus appears to be that, at least, that was a much closer run thing. At the moment, it looks like Jonny Wilkinson is miles ahead in the poll for Sports Personality Of The Year. I doubt we will broadcast the closing ceremony. Instead, we are considering airing a documentary about the making of Rolf Harris' cover of Stairway To Heaven".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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