If you heard any talk-master on Boston radio this week, you know that the medical and managerial condition of Bobby Valentine is grave.
The media has been licking its chops, anticipating the gravy.
The Sox manager surely has dyspepsia and severe abdominal cramps after his most recent pre-game press conference.
He was peppered and sprayed with the question of the day: "Are reports of Bobby Valentine's death exaggerated?"
To his credit, Valentine avoided sounding salty in his response. He admitted he had no magic wand and would use one if it came his way.
He did not say whether he would use it on the frogs that come to his daily wakes, also known as a pregame question period.
Bobby Valentine has begun to look like one of the creatures of the night from hit TV show True Blood. You can stick a fork in him, according to the press. They also want to stick a stake in his heart for good measure to make sure he never returns.
The din and deafening press questions woke the sleeping dog at Fenway Park, as owner John Henry had to put out an email detailing his support for Valentine. He might as well have sent him a Valentine's Day card and a Hershey kiss.
A kiss-off never sounded more classical: the owner usually sends his love right before the last paycheck.
With word that Valentine could be gone before the heat wave, players started actually playing the field. Fans at the old park started singing "Sweet Caroline" with more heart.
A house has not yet fallen on Bobby Valentine, but every coach and every Munchkin is lining up to grab his ruby red slippers.