London, England. The Thirtieth Games of the Modern Olympiad being held in this town have reached a new low with the awarding of a gold medal to a sewer rat that somehow found its way into the sewerage pipes inside the Athletes Village.
Experts claimed that the rat must have traversed the equivalent of a 10000 metre running event to get around the entire village without leaving the complex network of pipes that carry the bodliy excretions of hundreds of Olympic participants.
When LOCOG chair Lord Seb Coe found out how far the rat had travelled he immediately signalled the appalling honour (or may be dishonour) of granting the feral animal a Gold Medal for achievement above and beyond the realm of natural talent.
It is believed that the rat (nicknamed Boris ironically) will be granted an audience with HM Queen Elizabeth II and HRH The Duke of Edinburgh. My God I don't believe I'm writing this. Help!!!!!!