It was a sensational opening Saturday night at the Olympic Park Aquatics Centre in London: an American swimmer Michael Phelps, the most successful Olympian in the history of the Games, did not win a medal in the 400-meter individual medley. He struggled to a disgraceful fourth-place finish.
Not only the U.S. Olympic officials but the entire country are absolutely appalled with this pitiful result. Sport fans around the world are exchanging tweets of utter disbelief and revulsion.
Michael Phelps himself was completely crushed and embarrassed after the race. "It was horrible," Phelps reportedly told coach Bob Bowman when he climbed out of the pool.
The head of the U.S. Olympic Committee Scott Blackmun has called an emergency meeting with Michael Phelps and Bowman, and they promptly agreed that Phelps should immediately and confidentially exit the Games so as not to cause further humiliation to the U.S. Olympic team.
This shocking development means that Saturday marked the very last time we saw Phelps compete since this famous but now disgraced swimmer had always planned to retire from professional sport after the London Olympics.
The decision to send Phelps home will be kept secret and his double will compete in the remaining events.
"Disgraced or not, Michael Phelps is still a big celebrity in the U.S. We need his name to keep TV rankings up," said Scott Blackmun. "We have a double who is remarkably similar to Michael. Nobody will see the difference. The double isn't as good of a swimmer, but let's face it, neither is Michael Phelps. Not anymore."
Blackmun isn't worried that the extremely confidential news leaked to The Spoof. "Who's going to take anything reported by you seriously? You know you're called The Spoof, right?"