Written by Ossurworld
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Topics: Red Sox Nation

Saturday, 28 July 2012

When Wally the Green Monster was reported missing on a warm Saturday afternoon while the Red Sox went out of town on a trip to the Big Apple, the Sox began to reveal the behind-the-scenes life of a team mascot.

Was it an escape? or a hostage situation?

Apparently the Monster has a mind of its own, and he is kept at Fenway Park with several duplicate Green Monsters, each and every one of them a mere shell of the original monster.

Like creatures of mystery, the secret life of Wally the Green Monster suddenly came to light when the favorite mascot of Boston children came out of the closet-much to the surprise of Red Sox officials.

Immediately labeled an abduction, it reached sudden and frightening consequence on Boston's media, usually in doldrums on Friday afternoon in the summer.

This tale rattled the children of New England: a story about missing children may be used by parents as a cautionary tale to their offspring about the dangers of this world.

Nothing may work quite as well as the traumatic disappearance of Wally.

The initial report featured a police description of the missing creature: he is green and furry, has a large head and a big smile. He was last seen walking along the streets of downtown Boston.

It would surely be easy to find anyone who dared to hold the mascot for ransom. There are not many places to hide a seven-foot tall green monster.

With the entire city of Boston on alert, and with reports that the creature was walking around the streets of Boston, police quickly solved the crisis.

Reports flooded in from witnesses and pinpointed the Monster's location. Police made short work of the mystery.

The Red Sox organization that has had missing pitchers and batters all season (and presently is in the Bronx to face the Yankees during Armageddon before the trade deadline) seemed embarrassed by the incident.

Squashed news reports quickly ended with word that Wally had gone out with a member of the organization who had apparently forgotten to alert security that he was taking an

If there is a lesson to emerge from all this turmoil and mystery, it is that it is never easy being green-let alone being a monster.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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