Written by Ossurworld
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Red Sox

Thursday, 26 July 2012

The Red Sox have the greatest irony in sports: a paucity of riches.

With their mega-budget and endless fount of moneymaking schemes, they bathe in a tub of greenbacks, able to shower off the muck of unpleasant players and lack of gratitude of egomaniacal pitchers.

Alas, like investors in the stock market, the Red Sox seem to have found their own Ponzi schemers and put trust in pitchers like Jon Lester and Josh Beckett, beer swillers of yore. Not since Bernie Madoff ran off with the family jewels have rich owners been so hoodwinked.

The best Red Sox pitchers are young nobodies who seem ready to be cast into the bullpen of no return.

The Red Sox can dump hundreds of millions on some players, and offer an exit visa to others.

Speculation centers on the whether to trade key players like Youkilis, and now perhaps how to unload others like Jacoby Ellsbury and Jon Lester.

Yet, despite all the blame and trade rumors centering on the players, it is the initial investors who are the problem. If there is anyone who should be sent packing off to another team, it is Ben Cherington, Larry Lucchino, and his honorable self, John Henry.

Though the ownership has saved Fenway Park, their attention seems more set on winning the record of attendance sell-outs than the World Series.

Fans can buy a brick for $100 and own a piece of fantasy baseball.

Fans would be better served to wall up the marketing department of the Red Sox Corporation in the Green Monster with their prized bricks in the mode of Edgar Allen Poe.

Oxymoron is the term to describe a paucity of riches. It is also the term to describe Red Sox ownership that tells the young players they are the junior varsity-and the fat cats on the DL are the real team.

However, all of this stands qualified if the Sox make a run at the playoffs. As Emily Latella on SNL used to say, "Never mind."

Make Ossurworld's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 plus 3?

4 5 23 9

Go to top