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Sunday, 22 July 2012

image for Athletes to eat Big Macs and Coca-Cola only for London 2012
A London 2012 competitor maximises return for sponsors

Fearful of the possibility that to much health food will be consumed at the upcoming Olympic Games, drastic action has been taken a newly established regulatory body at the heart of the operations directorate of London 2012.

The Committe for Organising the Consumption of as much Junk Food As Possible, COCOJUFAP, made up of all the Chief Financial Officers of the Games' main sponsors has responded to a report by City analysts that the sponsors are just not getting enough 'bang for their buck' from the greatest corporate event on the planet.

In a move designed to maximise the return on their collosal sponsor investment, the organising committee for London 2012 have agreed a last minute dictat that all competing athletes must eat only Big Macs and drink Coca-Cola for the duration of the games.

Any athlete caught breaking this rule will be taken to newly established Food and Beverage correction centres estblished in the ruins of the old Tate and Lyle factories on Silvertown. There, they will be force-fed a vegan diet of tofu, bean sprouts and brown rice washed down with a version of the water, Robinsons barley water and (some claim) the WKD drink which Andy Murray usually consumes in small swigs at the courtside when playing his matches.

This punishment regime has already worked wonders with recalcitrant competitors who have been seen flagging taxis and demanding to be taken to the nearest burger joint for a large fry fix on release from what some have called 'that bean-curd hell'.

A spokesman for COCJUFAP agreed that the new measures might seem a tad harsh but warned the athletes for trying to be too concerned with a holistic approach to their overall training. 'They've got to understand that the principal objective of the games is to promote big brands', he explained. 'Winning medals is all well and good but without the major corporations, the games would just not take place'.

He continued, 'Sugar, salt and fat not only taste good but without them, these companies would just not make any money. We need people and especially the kids to get their eating and drinking levels up. Come on Mums and Dads, let's super-size everything!'.

To reinforce their commitment to achieve the prime legacy goal of 2012 as being the greatest corporate advertising machine in the games' history, volunteers have been forced to return their uniforms in exchange for those worn by the crews seen at at 'Maccy D's' nationwide.

But COCJUFAP have denied rumours that a well known former athlete turned politician who is at the head of the Games' organistaion will not be wearing one of the baseball caps which form part of this attire on the basis that one could not be found large enough for his head size.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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