Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 22 July 2012

image for Uncle Sam Tells New Orleans Saints' Quarterback Drew Brees He Better Be Careful
The U.S. Government says Drew Brees needs to concentrate on throwing footballs and quit making volatile comments.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - A high ranking representative for the United States Government identified as Special Agent Montgomery Myron Drumblechek has issued a notice to New Orleans Saint's quarterback Drew Brees.

Special Agent Drumblechek has told Mr. Brees, via a certified letter, that he had better be very careful about what he says about NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, or he could have the full force of the United States Government come down on him like Kirstie Alley sitting on a confetti-filled Easter egg.

Brees, recently signed a 5-year, $100 million contract with the BountyGate Scandaled Saints so he's feeling like he's Superman.

He told sports reporters that he knows that Saints linebacker Jonathan "Bam-Bam" Vilma, who has been issued a one-year suspension, is innocent.

Vilma was suspended for his alleged part in the Saints program that offered bonuses to New Orleans defensive players for injuring opposing players.

Brees told Rufus Reno with Sports Balls Illustrated Daily that the reason he knows that Vilma is innocent is because Villie looked him in the eye, crossed his heart, and said scouts honor.

When Special Agent Drumblechek read that statement he laughed and said that he would like to like to talk to Brees sometime about the tooth fairy, the Easter Bunny, Sasquatch, and Santa Claus.

SIDENOTE: The latest rumor coming out of the Bayou State is that the richest man in the world, Carlos Slim of Mexico who is worth $73.3 billion, is thinking about purchasing the Saints and turning them into the Mexicali Matadors.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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