Written by IainB
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Thursday, 19 July 2012

image for Cheltenham Dart Team form the British Javelin Medal Hopes
A giant dartboard will be placed far down the field for Geoff, Jane and Mike to aim at.

The three members of the Cheltenham and District Darts Club have been roped in at the last minute to compete for the British Javelin team after it was discovered that Britain's current medal hopes have all been struck down with Repetitive Strain Injury.

This highly debilitating viral infection prevents the current javeliners from throwing anything, including up.

"We were at a loss as to what to do," said Sebastian Coe, who has been overseeing the reassignment of athletes in the event of emergency situations. "Then up pop Geoff, Jane and Mike, and saved the day."

The three members of the CDDC have asked that a giant dartboard is put a the far end of the field for them to aim at, after that, they'll be fine. With it being a British stadium, the organisers see no problems with this.

"Obviously, we all aim for triple twenty," said Geoff, who will be competing in the men's event. "So if that's put high enough up the field, we should be all right."

Mike, who has a severe disability, in that he is allergic to alcohol, will be competing in the paralympics. This is considered a severe disability among darts players.

"I reckon I'll do pretty well," he said. "I've been told my condition's really rare, so I expect all my opponents will be half cut at least."

Jane, the finally member of the CDDC, holds the Gloucestershire distance record for dart throwing, having thrown a standard dart seventeen miles in order to hit her husband who was cheating on her.

"This is going to be embarrassing for these other countries," she said. "They might as well put their big sticks back in those long bags and go home. And if they disagree, I'll chin them."

The only sticking point for the new javelin team is that the smoking area is so far outside of the stadium that they may be a little late starting.

"Gotta have a pint and a fag before you start throwing," said Geoff. "It steadies the nerves, dunt it?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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