Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Tuesday, 17 July 2012

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Women's beach volleyball players have been advised not to wear tight fitting bikinis at the 2012 London Olympics.

Athletes in the event have worn skimpy swimwear since the sport was introduced at the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta. Now the change has been made to reflect the cultural conventions of various participating countries and to deter English perverts from touching themselves whilst they are watching the action.

"Shorts of a maximum length of (1.18 inches) above the knee, and sleeved tops," will now be worn, according to the new IOC ruling.

"It's an attempt to broaden the diversity in the sport, which tends to be dominated by fit blonde Latvians and foxy Brazilians" said Olympic spokesperson Mabel Queen.

Members of the public voiced their concern at the clampdown after the qualifying tournament took place at Crouch End last week.

"I had my night vision goggles and chloroform confiscated by a pair of butch Canadian lesbians" said Eric Nonce, a QPR supporter from Dorking.

The retired Surrey vicar was also reprimanded by his wife for staring at a hairy Turkish girl for 4 minutes and 33 seconds. He was later ejected from the arena and put on a register with other offenders from the Home Counties after constantly clapping as the Iranian women picked up the ball when the play was over.

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