Written by Talking Tic-Tacs
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Monday, 16 July 2012

image for Tour de France's Surprising Mundanity
Mr Tour de France. Whom the race is named after.

The Tour de France sensationally passed off today with no criminal incident.

Onlookers looked on with stunned amazement as no discernable sabotage or doping or any other criminality occurred. With the possible exception of Bradley Wiggins' yellow jersey.

Earlier this week controversy over nails on the road were preceded by a teams hotel being raided and subsequent arrest of their rider. Team Cofidis immediately suspended their rider Remy di Gregorio over suspected doping. Which in cycling generally means - doping.

Yesterdays reports of tacks on the road were misheard by many as 'attacks' on the road and attracted even more crime to the tour as national front members and general lunatics descended. Running battles took place as the cycling crowd looked to emulate their football contemporaries at the recent Euro's.

All this of course when the spectre of the Lance Armstrong case looms. His bid to sue the brand Kennel for copyright over the toy Stretch Armstrong is due to begin shortly. As is his doping trial which, if found guilty would see him inside for a long....time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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