Written by Ossurworld
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Monday, 16 July 2012

Larry Lucchino is one of the high muckety-mucks at the Boston Red Sox. His exact title is unknown due to the covert nature of his position with the team.

Word has leaked that Lucchino has asked GM Ben Cherington to sign Indiana Jones to find the Lost Starting Rotation.

Since Professor Jones once found the Lost Ark of the Covenant, Lucchino believes locating the original 'best starting rotation in baseball' should be a piece of cake, next to crystal skulls.

Indiana Jones has gone to the lengths of the earth in his various adventures. He has seen the great desert of the Sahara and the great jungle of the Amazon. Now he must go to the undiscovered country from where no traveler usually returns: Red Sox Purgatory.

Lucchino theorizes Red Sox starters were kidnapped by either pygmies, space aliens, or Yankee fans, leaving Pod People in place of Beckett, Lester, Buchholz, and Bard.

For those who missed the terror of the Cold War, it is something like Bobby Valentine experiences every time he enters the Red Sox clubhouse.

Pod People were the bane of the 1950s. They were exact duplicates in appearance of people who had been replaced with robotic fakes, or brainwashed losers.

As of the All-Star break, the Red Sox pitching ace seems to be the Manchurian Candidate.

If Indiana Jones succeeds in his mission to find the lost starters, he may go to the Bermuda Triangle next to find Adrian Gonzalez's bat, which has also gone missing.

Lucchino is also worried about principal owner John Henry who seems also to have disappeared. He was not in his bunker at last count. It looks like Indiana Jones will have his hands full, at least until the trade deadline when all these players will become the problem of other teams.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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