Liverpool reject, Andy Carroll, received a surprise telephone call from Sir Alex Ferguson today and Andy initially hoped he would be joining Man Utd on a loan deal. But Sir Alex had another function in mind for Andy because football transfers between Liverpool and Man Utd are strictly taboo!
Sir Alex is well known for having a soft heart towards Liverpool rejects, i,E. Michael Owen, Wayne Rooney, Jimmy Tarbuck, Mick Hucknall etc, so he decided to offer pony-tailed Andy a job as his personal bodyguard, chauffeur and valet.
Sir Alex has signed enough losers in his time as Man Utd manager and he just couldn't bear the thought of Andy becoming another one so he offered him a more suitable role.
When asked why he wanted Carroll SAF answered; "Well laddie, Andy has tremendous heading power as seen at the Euro's and I need a tremendous head-butter when I'm driving past Carlos Tevez's house just in case the moron attacks me again and when we go to Liverpool to stop those Scouse bastards from nicking me rims, got it laddie?"
Andy's wages are said to be 5 pound an hour with a bonus if he can keep SAF's Merc clean and his hair, keep Tevez away and punch the lights out of Liverpool fans if they dare get near Sir Alex's limo!
Andy is seriously thinking about the offer before Newcastle come in and buy him back because anything's better than going back to that shithole!