Written by Ossurworld
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Sunday, 8 July 2012

A few short days ago Darnell McDonald lived, watched sunsets as a Red Sox, but now lies in the New York Yankees dugout.

Worse yet, scarce heard amid the media cry, the Yankees swooped down and emasculated our favorite Red Sox Samson.

Not a day after catching a ball in right field that was already in the bullpen, Darnell was mercilessly cut by the Bosox.

The Evil Empire grabbed him almost immediately, offering him a fortune, his batting average and weight in gold. He signed, and who could blame him?

Our hopes that he would seek employment as an exotic dancer were stripped away before Darnell put a bowtie on his shirtless torso.

We had recommended that he seek a career like Magic Mike of movie fame (like Channing Tatum in his hit movie) as a danseur in a male revue. We envisioned his dreadlocks slapping around his ears in musical syncopation.

Now the dream is dead. The Yankees have chopped off his locks. Yes, even David Ortiz was dumbfounded and overwhelmed by the sight of Darnell McDonald, shorn like a lamb for slaughter in his Yankee outfit.

Returning to Fenway Park, Darnell slipped away unnoticed, unrecognizable, more alien than Johnny Damon and more mortal than Samson.

His locks will be donated to a children's charity "Locks of Love" to be woven into hairpieces for kids who lose their hair owing to medical treatment.

Fie upon those Yankees. They not only take the heart out of every Red Sox player, they strip them of manhood too. At least the dreaded locks will be put to good use.

Short days ago he lived in Fenway, felt dawn on the Esplanade, saw sunset glow over the Green Monster, and now he lies in a Yankee dugout.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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