Written by Talking Tic-Tacs
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Topics: Tennis, Cyborg

Saturday, 7 July 2012

image for Federer in Cyborg Conspiracy Shocker
Fed: more calculator than creature.

The sporting world was reeling last night as revelations emerged about what we know as 'Roger Federer'. In claims which are sure to rock the sport to it's foundations we can confirm rumours centering around a conspiracy in which the British tennis establishment, Switzerland and the transportation firm 'Fedexpress' are all complicit in.

Unreliable sources have revealed to us that Roger Federer is actually a cyborg created by the All England Tennis Club, in cahoots with mercenary scientists. It is believed that they developed cutting edge machinations to allow the particular cyborg to wow the prawn sandwich brigade with human qualities of style, grace and charm.

Wimbledon officials have longed for one of their own to stylishly dominate the game since the days when the brand Fred Perry was a man. The attribution of English nationality to what would become a successful sporting figure however was deemed too far fetched. The conspirators are understood to have seeked a decoy nationality for the machine. They required the compliance of a State with no history of aggression or hostility towards The All England Club, or anything. They needed a neutral, docile nation that wouldn't say boo to a dead goose - enter Switzerland.

The naming process is understood to have adopted psychological techniques in perpetuating a myth into people's collective consciousness. The name Federer is deliberately similar to the term used for government in the US - federal, and is designed to denote an air of authority on court. This is also evident in its similarity to fedora, as in the hat, in order to carry the element of style in it's play.

In another act of subterfuge and shameless fabrication it has been confirmed to us that the company Fed Express was created primarily for the conspiracy. This 'fed' the notion that both 'delivered the goods', as it were. Its also designed to further implant the name and thought of Federer into the world's consciousness, and through 'coincidence'(fedex is a major tennis sponsor) the myth that is Federer would appear legitimate and as second nature to us.

In what is possibly the biggest cover up since Milli Vanilli disguised themselves as the Williams sisters, authorities are considering their next step.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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