It's taken 74 years for a Brit to reach the final of Wimbledon and it just happened to be a Scot! Andy Murray (congratulations) has done what no other Brit has ever done apart from Fred Perry; he's conquered the world's tennis elite and will now meet Roger Federer in the final Sunday.
There is but one draw back in this sensational, historic feat, he's a Scot! Not English, Welsh of Northern Irish, a Scot and they hate the English, but the English love a Brit winner and it doesn't matter where they come from; the Scots do!
Scottish parliament has ordered a withdrawal of all diplomatic ties with the Sassenachs, issued Andy Murray with a brand spanking new Scottish passport and renamed Hadrian's Wall; Murray's wall!
The new male Scottish dress code will be Kilts and Tartan berets and any male caught wearing trousers will be sent to the Shetland Islands to count sheep as a punishment (in your dreams laddie!).
Murrayland will withdraw from the European Community, re-introduce the Scottish pound and all earnings earned from the export of Scotch whisky will be used to make Murrayland a world power in soccer once again (what!?).
If Andy wins Wimbledon he will be announced Prime Minister of Murrayland (even if he wants to or not) and English people wishing to enter the heathen land of winners will be obliged to pay a surtax enabling them to learn how to win something at last!
Tim Henman was unavailable for comment, he was too busy serving "double faults" in a down town, dodgy Wimbledon bar!