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Friday, 6 July 2012

image for Huddersfield Town Football Club sign new bass player
New signing told not to fret for old team

In an announcement that had Simon Cowell's new teeth rattling and Tulisa Gotanewtrampastampa reaching for another "tah-oo" for her body, Huddersfield Town Football Club announced the signing of midfielder Adam Clayton.

The football club have really needed a bass player in the midfield position for quite some time now, and while they have been in talks with Mark King from Level 42 during the past 6 months, when Adam Clayton, bass player from U2, suddenly became available, the club jumped at the opportunity.

Originally they wanted JJ Burnel, sometimes known as "The Strangler", but he decided to stay and see out his contract with Glasgow-based Motherwell, while Jack Bruce (formerly of Cream) said he refuses to move from amateur football league team Guiseley.

The only thing worrying team manager, Ivor Biggun-Bygum, is that Adam Clayton may set a trend for having salaries paid into an offshore account.

Adam, who already owns almost a fifth of a small island off England (called Ireland) said he has invested in the most current wireless technology to enable him to play bass on any part of the pitch and not just midfield.

The club are now seeking a drummer to play in goal, and the thinking here is that someone like Alan White (Yes), Phil Collins or Bev Bevan (formerly ELO) might fit the bill on account of their huge kits that would certainly help block the goal from stray balls kicked in by the opposition.

Simon Cowell is understood to be in talks with his bank account and premium rate telephone companies about a TV spin-off featuring bass players, footballs, post-match showers and Tulisa, although not necessarily in that order.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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