Written by Mohan Boone
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Thursday, 5 July 2012

image for Olympics: Nepal registers Yeti for 100 metres

The Nepalese Olympic Committee was ridiculed last night after announcing its intention to field The Yeti in the 100 metres sprint at London 2012.

During a press conference in Kathmandu, Committee Chairman Prem Hayu insisted that the time was right for the elusive giant to be thrown into an international sporting competition for the first time since his invention in the early 1900's.

"It's a time for heroes, for legends," he said. "I think we're taking our opposition by surprise with this one. We've thrown a real spanner in the works. It's The Olympics! It's a time to stand up and be counted! The 100 metres means everything to us. And tell me, who can run faster than The Yeti?"

When questioned on the issue that The Yeti hasn't officially been seen since the beginning of time, Mr Hayu simply shrugged and replied, rather matter-of-factly, with "we'll find him."

Leading bookmakers are currently slashing the odds on Nepali gold in the 100 metres in light of the announcement, and many reporters are suggesting that should The Yeti make the starting line, with his height and power advantage he should feel extremely disappointed if he didn't win.

Meanwhile, The Yeti's agent, Ranjo Thapa, is also very excited about the news.

"It's been a long time coming," he said. "Finally, I might actually make some money out of this lout. It's tough being the agent of a man who never shows up to meetings. I've been representing him since 1955 now and I still haven't seen a dime. I'm supposed to get 14.5% of his earnings but he sends me nothing. I should have listened to the advice people were throwing at me when I took him on. 'Don't do it,' they said. 'He's a moody hermit,' they told me. But I ignored it. Where they saw a mythical nutcase, I saw a reclusive genius. The bastard better show up, that's all I can say. I need this, I've had a bad year."

The 100 metre final is due to take place on 5th August. Rumours are surfacing that The Yeti could be joined by Bigfoot from USA, Santa Claus from Finland, and Orang Minyak - a Spectral Rapist from Borneo.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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