Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 3 July 2012

image for Boris Johnson realises they forgot about the equestrian events for the London Olympics
"This is meant to be a beach volleyball court, not a badminton court covered in sand."

Loveable, laughable, but not laudable, buffoon and mayor of London, Boris Johnson has admitted that with only days left before the Olympics is due to begin, that they completely forgot about the equestrian events.

"What can I say?" said Boris, sounding like he'd just stuffed a muffin in his mouth. "Completely slipped my mind. Whoopsie."

The race is now on to get the equestrian centres built in time for the end of July.

"Fortunately, horseys jump in fields and things, so it's going to be fairly easy to get it set up," said Johnson. "We've ordered some of that red and white striped tape that people can stand behind and watch."

There are three different equestrian events: Dressage, jumping and eventing.

"Dressage is the dancy horse one," said Boris. "I've said they can do that in my back garden. Lovely jubbly, best seats in the house and no queue for the lav. Can't have them doing jumping in my garden though, they might go over the rhododendrons. I don't even know what eventing is!"

Emergency bleachers have been brought in, one set at Boris Johnson's garden, the other in a field in Greenwich. Olympic staff are hurriedly putting in a course for the jumping events.

"I think eventing is cross country," said the right Johnson. "I can't think of any country in London. It's pretty much all city in London, isn't it? Perhaps we could send them to the Cotswold's or something."

Event organisers are hopeful that the venues will be complete before the horses hoof it round the course.

"Easy peasy," said Boris. "Thank god we noticed now and not the day before, eh? That's world class organisation for you. Now if you'll excuse me, I've had a call from Horse Guard's Parade, they want to know why Wicks have turned up with fifty lorries loaded with sand. And to be frank, I've not got the foggiest. Ha!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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