Angela Merkel has decided not only to save the Eurozone single-handed; she has also taken over as Germany's new head footie manager because she can't stand "Löw" losers!
After being sacked by Merkel, Joachim Löw packed his suitcases, wig and 6 foot poster of Jürgen Klinsmann into his suitcase and was last seen heading into the horizon in a silver Merc owned by a very rich Saudi sheikh.
Merkel feels she is bossy enough to take on the role as "Bundestrainer" along side her main job; a very bossy "Bundeskanzlerin" and has warned Berlusconi never do that again otherwise she will "move the goalposts" with impunity!
Her first task is convincing Mario Balotelli to surrender his Italian nationality and become a Bavarian (Merkel thinks Balo's thighs would look even prettier in a pair of "echte Bavarian Lederhosen"). Then she would introduce a real "Germanic" training programme consisting of marathon running up and down the Bavarian Alps, drinking plenty of German beer and eating loads of "Deutsche sausages" to make real men out of them.
Her next goal is to boot Greece, Italy and Spain out of the Eurozone and then prepare "Die Mannschaft" for the World Cup in Brazil where she will conquer the world with Super Mario leading the way and the rest following. She even thought of asking Jesse Owen's ghost to become a real German, but he refused!