Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 28 June 2012

image for Hideous patterned cardie as Pippa Middleton does Wimbledon
The offending garment as modelled on Oxfam size zero girl Tabitha

London - "Did you crochet it yerself, love?" was one linesman's quip as the pointless social climber arrived at Centre Court's royal box today.

"Ooh, with so many clashing geometric lines it's bound to f++k up the Hawkeye functionality," another added as Wimbledon's sartorial police signalled a massive thumbs down.

The offending navy and white garment complete with hideous gilt-trimmed plastic buttons was last spotted in a Kensington Oxfam where thrifty geriatrics battled Pippa for ownership of the spoils.

Today's blazing sunshine saw proud Pip showcase the three quid polyester acrylic cardie as she settled in with brother James to watch feckless Scottish tosspot Andy Murray battle it out against Ivo Karlovic.

Neighboring spectators soon made their excuses and scarpered amid fears Pippa's broken Geneva Convention rules governing 'cruel and unusual' torture by sartorial faux pas.

And within a few minutes of her arrival a number of ball-boys complained about a 'red rag to a bull' taunt from the royal box as reflected sunlight gleamed from her perfectly polished dentistry...

Rafael Nadal's awesome ballgame is probably her real agenda.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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