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Saturday, 30 June 2012

image for Euro 2012: Englands Jermaine Defoe to change name by deed poll
Jermaine will sign on the dotted line to boost his England chances

As the only recognised striker not to get a chance in Roy Hodgsons England Euro 2012 squad, Jermaine Defoe has decided on drastic action to push his way into the bosses plans for the forthcoming world cup fixtures.

When Defoe arrives back in England with the rest of the squad in the next few days, he has sanctioned his agent to start the process to officially change his name by deed poll to Jerwayne Defoe. The Tottenham Hotspur striker hopes the subtle change will get him noticed by Hodgson, who took Wayne Rooney to Poland & Ukraine despite the Man United forward facing a two match ban for a sending off in qualifying.

East London born Defoe was on target in the final group game of the 2010 world cup v Slovenia, a goal that secured qualification for the second round, where the team were beaten by Germany. He was omitted from the 2006 squad by Sven Gorran Errikson.

All of the other strikers in the squad were used and scored at the 2012 tournament. Andy Carroll and Danny Welbeck scored in the win over Sweden, and Wayne Rooney scored the only goal of the match v Ukraine, which secured qualification from Group D in top spot.

In his eleven year career, Defoe has scored a total of 195 goals. He is one of only four strikers to have scored five in a Premier League match, against Wigan in 2009. He started his career at Charlton, but moved to West Ham, where he went on loan to Bournemouth and scored in ten successive games. He joined Portsmouth in 2008 after four years at Tottenham, but returned to White Hart Lane under Harry Redknapp in the January 2009 transfer window.

Defoe is also a prolific scorer off the field, having romanced Chantelle Houghton and Imogen Thomas from Big Brother, X Factor winner Alexanfra Burke and numerous other models.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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