Following England's defeat to Italy on penalties at Euro 2012, the Football Association have decided to spend millions of pounds on a new Centre of Excellence designed to make England penalty winners.
Sir Trevor Frooking CBE (Cant Be Easy) announced the new plans this morning at a hastily arranged press conference. The Centre will open next year in Dorking. Special shooting coaches and psychologists will be recruited alongside lots of Scottish Third Division goalkeepers, who are unlikely to ever save a penalty, which is bound to be a boost to England penalty takers.
Residents of Dorking welcomed the move which will eventually see England crowned world champions. Kevin Bucket, 34, of Dorking High St told reporters "This is great news. Dorking is a small town, but we'd like to do our bit to help put the Great back into England again. Or do I mean Britain?"
The Centre still needs to receive planning permission, but Dorking Council are expected to knock down the library to save money, because nobody ever reads books in Dorking.