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Monday, 25 June 2012

image for Euro 2012: England prepare to fly home after Italy defeat
Miss One, Get One Free

England players are today packing their suitcases and preparing to fly back home after the 4-2 penalty defeat to Italy last night.

Ashley Cole and Ashley Young who both missed their crucial kicks, have already been offered a pizza advert, following in footsteps of Stuart Pearce, Chris Waddle and Gareth Southgate.

Former captain David Beckham told friends the game should have finished 0-0 at 120 minutes and both teams went home unbeaten, because there's no way either Italy or England can beat the Germans.

Wayne Rooney told reporters that UEFA should change the rules and instead of letting five different players each take a penalty, it should be the best player taking all five.

In Canning Town, roadsweep Maurice Sheringham was today preparing to take down his flags and bunting. "They've been up since the Diamond Jubilee, but it's time to move on. Can we call off the Olympics, I'm really not in the mood to celebrate 2012 anymore" he told local radio.

Prime Minister David Cameron made a statement this morning when he held the Weekly Open Press Conference at Downing St. He laid the blame for the defeat at the hands of Jimmy Carr. Carr has yet to respond on his twitter.

Former Tottenham boss Harry Redknapp was staying quiet on claims he had a big bet on the Azurri, but was seen at Gatwick Airport this morning boarding a flight to Monaco.

England's next competitive match is a World Cup qualifier in September.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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