Written by queen mudder
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Sunday, 24 June 2012

image for Knighthood for Roy Hodgson, England call-up for Beckham
The late Queen Mother was the Order's Principal Patron

London - England manager Roy Hodgson is to receive the Order of the Gutter after the nation's finest blew it in Kiev.

The gong, which is in the personal gift of the Queen, is a traditional alternative to beheading, hanging-drawing-and-quartering and/or burning at the stake in the middle of Trafalgar Square.

Of course those historical options might still be available despite 'daft' restrictions from the European Court of Human Frights.

Hodgson joins an elite band of tossers who said England could go all the way when all they did was pull out early before the contest climax.

He is now likely to be replaced by David Beckham whose own footie career has shagged itself out under the tropical heat of LA skies.

Dodging reporters at the post-match pow-wow Hodgson played down news of the royal award.

A new career coaching wannabes in the All-England Ladies Lawnmower Racing trials beckons from September.

Sir Bobby Moore is rolling in his grave.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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