KATY, Texas - Former Major League Baseball pitcher Roger Clemems, 49, knows that he is a very lucky guy who has just joined the ranks of other very lucky individuals such as President Bill Clinton, Senator John Edwards, and Mafioso Vinnie "The Nose" Noseletti.
Clemens has just been found not-guilty on six Federal counts ranging from stating that he never threw a spitball to divulging that he never scratched his guy region when he knew the TV cameras were on him.
Roger, who has denied that he ever used steroids, is thrilled beyond belief at being found not guilty and says that things are starting to look good for him as he has just been asked to appear on a sports figures edition of Wheel of Fortune.
The fireballing pitcher, known as "The Rocket" has also signed a contract to pitch for the Chicago Cubs.
He also noted that there is talk coming out of Tinsel Town that he could also be starring as himself in a motion picture titled, It Sure Looks Like I Threw Everyone A Curve: The Roger Clemens Story.
Roger is especially thrilled because he has just heard that the extremely sexy Michelle Pfeiffer may be playing the part of his wife Debbie.
Clemens has just informed the sports media that he is finally getting the chance to open up that nice little hot dog diner he's always wanted in his home town of Katy, Texas.
The eatery will be named The Lucky Son-Of-A-Gun Hot Dog Diner and it will feature an array of the Top Ten Hot Dogs that Roger ate at various Major League ballparks during his 23-year career in the Majors.
SIDENOTE: Roger stated that he received a phone call from Mitt Romney offering congratulations from one great American to another great American.