Written by Ossurworld
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Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Roger Clemens has been found not guilty on all counts in his eight-week trial, his second go-round over a four-year span. Jurors may have figured the cost of his legal representation likely punished him enough.

A guilty verdict would have been redundant.

In the old days at Fenway, the count was 3 and 2, and the Rocket could blast a strike past the hapless batter.

In this case, his Texas lawyers played the field for four years, wearing down the prosecution with its inept use of taxpayer money. If the trial(s) proved anything, it was that the beleaguered taxpayer watched his government balk with runners on second and third.

Clemens did not have to go to bat in this big game because the designated hitter made big bucks to hit it out of the park in lieu of Roger's testimony.

Attorney Rusty Hardin may sound like a star of adult films, but he will always look like Dirk Diggler to Clemens.

Hardin pitched the perfect game. Whether Roger Clemens actually used hormones or steroids likely will never be settled in water-cooler debates, but among courtroom cases, he is off the hook, though we are not sure if he is off the hookah.

Next batter up is the Cooperstown Baseball Hall of Fame where the media voters may have their own verdict. You can certainly expect a splitter on the outside corner.

This case was surely not as egregious as athletes in courtroom freefall like O.J. Simpson and Barry Bonds. Roger, if found guilty, was merely another in a long line of citizens who had shown contempt for Congress.

The American public may equate this infraction with jaywalking and littering. Clemens may be empowered by the vindication that he was chemical free during his heydays.

The good news may be the market for Clemens memorabilia may have taken the ball out of the Hall of Shame.

You can find that signed Clemens baseball in the closet and put it on display again. Better yet, you can sell it and make a profit on e-Bay.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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