Written by Heeke
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Tuesday, 19 June 2012

image for WWE Wrestling Introduces Zombie Wrestling
Stone Cold Austin Introduces Ms. Death, Zombie Wrestler

WWE CEO and Chairman Vincent McMahon announced today that his company will be introducing a new category to his famous wrestling shows. The new category is Zombie Wrestling.

Mr. McMahon said in a prepared statement, "For years we've been fighting zombies. You know we've just been shooting and killing them without really thinking of what they could do to entertain us. Well my teams have trained several zombies the basic moves of wrestling added to their own basic desire to eat humans."

He further added, "Now it would be against the law to actually send in a live superstar to compete against a zombie. That being said, we will have the zombies wrestle each other, men and women. Now since these are dead and decaying bodies performing body wrenching moves, sitting ringside might be the equivalent of sitting center stage of a Gallagher show. Juices and pieces of zombie flesh falling all over you. We have to take special care with the women zombies because they may lose a breast or butt cheek during their match."

Mr. McMahon was repeatedly asked how the zombies are chosen or if they are prior wrestlers who died and have returned as zombies. He responded, "You're just going to have to come to a show to see. I will say that I only chose the best performers."

He added that each zombie category will have a title belt for the zombies to compete for and as extra incentive the zombies are given live food in the form of elderly people with terminal diseases. These people are treated like royalty for the last few days of their lives in exchange for being the zombie wrestlers food.

One reporter asked a fan what he thought of the concept and he replied, "Shoot, zombies wrestling? That would be awesome, especially if they have diva zombies who lose their clothes during the match."

The first Zombie match will be held at Wrestlemania 35 and will be hosted by Tim Burton.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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