Celtic Football club have released a statement saying that they will probably have to say "No" to newly created football team "The Rangers" plea for inclusion in the Scottish Premier League.
The decision came after the Celtic board got together and advised each other that it was not in their best interest if Rangers came back to Scottish Premier League level football. They decided that it might mean they'd win fewer football matches, and that they'd only have a 1 in 2 chance of winning something shiny at the end of every season. They also realised they might not get to go on a trip to Europe every year. Because if Rangers don't get back into the SPL, Celtic will have no competition in the Premier league at all. No one will ever beat them and it will be a one team season every single year.
The board do understand that that could cause problems. It would cause jealousy among non-celtic supporting fans. It might also lead to a drop in the demand for blue coloured scarfs and football strips. But the Celtic Board have a solution for all those problems. The Scottish Premier league can be disbanded and Celtic can become the new Scotland team and then everyone can support them, even former Rangers fans. And there'll be no more football rivalry, and no more sectarianism because Scotland will be united. And everyone in Scotland will be happy. Hurrah...Possibly. For a while, at least.
By Katarina Frogpond.