Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 16 June 2012

image for England Now Favourites For Just About Everything Following 3-2 Victory Over Sweden
Pie In The Sky

On the back of an unfancied England team's 3-2 victory over Sweden in Kiev last night, with goals from Andy Carroll, Theo Walcott and Danny Welbeck, UK bookies Gladbooks have made England the favourites to win just about everything - from the Greek election and the 2:30 at Ascot to the horrendously unjust slaughter in Syria.

"I think people have gone a bit mental to be honest," said Gladbooks spokesman, Robin Round. "They're betting on England to win everything, including the Oscars, the MTV Awards, the BAFTAs, the US Open Golf Championship, Wimbledon, the World Cup, the Grand National, the WBC Heavyweight Championship of the World, the Boat Race and the National Lottery. People are betting on England to win anything and everything. Including Rear Of The Year, and £250 off You've Been Framed. It's quite mad here."

Expectations in the old country are normally abnormally high, which usually results in crushing disappointment and suicidal tendencies as England usually fail at everything in such a spectacular fashion, but on this occasion, coming into the Euros, nobody expected much from the England team.

Until they beat Sweden by the odd goal.

All over England, the George Cross flags came out, the pubs were offering half price pints, and the chip shops were offering free portions of chips with any purchase of a fish or a pie, on matchdays.

Even the politicians were keen to get in on the act. Chancellor George Osborne said:

"Let's be clear - England will lead the world out of recession. We will lead by example. There's no denying unrealistic optimism. I haven't felt this confident since we gave the Argies a good kicking at Goose Green! Ingerland Ingerland Ingerland!"

There was only one dissenting voice at Heathrow Airport today, coming from Irish fan, Kieron Doherty. He said:

"Ah ye bollix! Ye're feckin deluded. Spain, Germany, Portugal...they'll run feckin rings round yers. You'll win feck all as usual."

"Mister Doherty may have a valid point," England boss, Roy Hodgson admitted. "But I'm still having a monkey on England winning the Miss World contest. When our tails are up we're unplayable."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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