Written by Backandtotheleft
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Thursday, 14 June 2012

New Aston Villa manager Paul Lambert has revealed his master plan for getting his underperforming team firing on all cylinders before the start of next season. Starvation. He said.

"Hungry players play well, hungry players want to get out on that field and eat the opposition. I want to see Richard Dunne chasing down the Jermaine Defoe's of this world down and devouring them until nothing is left but bones."

He went on to describe how his playing time in Germany has helped shape some of his stranger managerial techniques.

"At Dortmund, before every match, the general manager would round up the families of the player and put them in cattle trucks. If we didn't give our all we wouldn't see them again. And you know the Germans their serious about this sort of thing."

Asked on his transfer targets for the coming year he gave a chilling one word answer that will send shockwaves through the rest of the
league.

"Messi"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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