Written by Ossurworld
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Thursday, 14 June 2012

True Blood began its fifth season on Sunday, and the Miami Heat is prepared to spill true blood again for the second season in their alleged run of seven championships.

On the hit HBO show, Sookie has fairy blood, which confounds vampires, and it appears LeBron James has a bit of Sookie in him too.

LeBron put a bit of glamour hypnotism on the referees in Game 7, avoiding any fouls in a pivotal game. Dracula would not have done it with quite as much finesse; we know Erik Northman (Alexander Skaarsgard) would have done it that way.

If Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh were vampires, perhaps the extended run would eventually bring them seven championships. Time for the zombies would be on their side.

Instead, they face the lightning strike of the Oklahoma City Thunder. With these two teams there will be more subplots than the Vampire Authority on True Blood faces each week.

The Miami-OKC series is like choosing between Twilight and True Blood.

Vampire series are not as soapy and sappy as the Miami Heat saga. D-Wade and Bosh are beginning to look like Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner.

Whether the masseuse of Chris Bosh returns from the great beyond and rises to rub him the wrong way, we know HBO would cover, but we are not so sure of ESPN.

The Big Three of the Heat will face the Big Two and a Half Men of the Thunder.

It's the NBA referees who will decide these Vampire Chronicles.

We wonder how bad the referees will be when the Heat and LeBron require the other team to be penalized. We can count on the fact that the refs will likely put Kendrick Perkins out early, knowing he grows stronger after dusk.

Dwyane Wade has been playing the game lately like someone put a silver pendant around his neck. The stake in his heart seems to have missed the spot.

If True Blood or the Twilight series have brought you to a night of the living dead, you will find seven games of the Nosferatu series with OKC and Miami.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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