Written by Ossurworld
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Topics: Miami Heat

Tuesday, 12 June 2012

ESPN may need to add a meteorologist to their team of so-called experts to forecast each game of the NBA Finals. The windbags seem to be rising to gale force.

We don't want to rain on the parade of fans lining up to buy tickets in both Miami and Oklahoma City, but we are heading into a series where Doppler Radar might better tell us who is hot and if an odd cold front may be moving to the East.

Usually you can count on Heat and Thunder to produce lightning strikes, usually hitting your mobile device when you want to check the box score.

If you are wondering where the Lightning is, you can usually find them on ice in Tampa Bay. They may have no bearing on the barometric pressure rising on the Great Plains, but could add wind chill to South Beach.

We feel compelled to send out an all-important alert to LeBron James to remember that Oklahoma is a stone's throw from Kansas where a house once fell on a notorious witch after a tornado.

Since both teams play inside gloriously air-conditioned arenas, there are likely to be few complaints about humidity causing mold and mildew on Kevin Durant and LeBron James.

Whether anyone finds their fan base dampened by Worcester, Mass., Tornadoes, that hockey team is closer to the Boston Celtics than to the Heat.

And, the Cucamonga Quakes are far away in California's baseball leagues. The Blizzard, a junior hockey team, won't form until September.

And, the Ole Mississippi Flood hasn't been around college football since the 1930s.

No one needs to worry about the Tsunami Swim Club having any impact on the series. The gay and lesbian swimming team is based in San Francisco.

Fair weather fans worry that the biggest factor in the NBA Finals will now be temperature inversion. In these cases, the hot stars run cold and the cold stars eclipse the benchwarmers.

Like the NBA Finals, everyone complains about the weather, but no one can do anything about it--until this year.

Welcome to the Meteorological NBA Finals, a first time for sleet, hail, and fog. Let it rain cats and dogs during the Heat and Thunder. Don't open that umbrella indoors.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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