Donetsk, somewhere in the land of nod: England went on the pitch last night determined not to play football against the "Sacre Bleus" (Who weren't much better) and were so frightened of losing they nearly "qui, qui'd" themselves.
Memories of Chelsea were flowing through spectators minds as England defended their goal looking like the very deep Thames Barrier and the French attacked the English looking like a bunch of soggy, dipped-stick croissants!
The BBC's team of experts were more than happy with the result and predicted that England would thrash Sweden and Ukraine. Motty, alias John Motson, begged to differ because he is too old to talk hype and bullshit and said, "qui, qui, England were pretty crappy, Germany are tres bien!"
As for Roy Hodgson, he is now hoping to hang-on until glorious Wayne Rooney returns and then England can really start playing the not so "beautiful game" they are renowned for; long ball, shove it up front to Wayne and he'll do the rest; qui, qui!
The rest of Europe's top teams will be getting a touch of the Wayne wolly-wobbles just thinking of England's super-hero returning; non, non, merde!