Written by IainB
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Monday, 11 June 2012

image for England hope for promotion out of the group based on alphabetical order
England could top the group, because E comes before U and F

England are hoping that they can match France goal for goal, win for win, loss for loss so that the two end level on points, goal difference, and goals scored, and to go up because 'E' comes before 'F' in the alphabet.

"With so few games in the group," said Roy Hodgson, the England manager, "this is perfectly possible."

It is full expected that the Ukraine will win all of their games, and have already seen off Sweden.

"We're playing on their turf," said Hodgson. "It's traditional that the home side go through the group at least. We even managed it when the Euros were in England, that's how common it is."

Hodgson is assuming that the Ukraine will go on to beat both France and England. This means that England simply have to lose by the same score line as France to the Ukraine, and beat Sweden by the same amount.

"Or better," said Hodgson. "If we can do better than France, then we'll go up anyway. Obviously. Otherwise, we need to match them."

After just one round, the Ukraine currently are the only team with a win, and Sweden were the team beaten.

"If you look at the table now," said Hodgson, "England are second alphabetically."

England are in the best group for going up alphabetically, with Sweden and Ukraine both after the English in the alphabet.

"Who knows," said Hodgson. "If we match the Ukraine's results goal for goal, then perhaps we can top the league! That'd be a turn up for the books. Nobody would be expecting that. Although doing so Alphabetically would be a typically English way of winning the league."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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