Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 11 June 2012

image for The Boston Celtics Ownership Addresses The Rumors That They Are Moving The Team To Mobile, Alabama
Boston Celtics basketballs will all lie 'dribbleless' for a while. (Photo courtesy of Coach Doc Rivers).

BOSTON - The "Beantown" fans of the Boston Celtics are still heartbroken at having seen their team go down to the Miami Heat in the final and decisive game 7 of the NBA's Eastern Conference Championship series 4 games to 3.

Rufus Reno with Sports Balls Illustrated Weekly wrote that the only way that the little Celtic dynamo Rajon Rondo, could not have done more to help his team win the series would have been to kidnap the Heat's superstar and the NBA's MVP LeBron James.

After the Heat defeated the Celtics 101 to 88 in the decisive game 7, Reno spoke with an unnamed, inside source within the Celtics organization who informed him that there are several options that the Celtics ownership is considering.

One point that the unnamed source did want to stress is the fact that he personally spoke with one of the owners Crawford Y. Goldenbiffy and he mentioned that he is 93 percent certain that the Boston Celtics will not be moving to Mobile, Alabama as several reputable sports publications, including Sports Territory have declared.

He added that Mobile is a beautiful city, which has some of the best fried chicken restaurants in the entire South, some historically fabulous Civil War Plantations that are for sale and are affordably priced, and some beautiful Southern belles who all say yes sir and no sir and yes ma'am and no ma'am, but the chances of the Celtics relocating there are presently only 7 percent.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: After making a few calls I found out that the unnamed, inside source is the team's senior director of basketballs Trevor "Double Dribble" Dibbilavino.]

Reno added that he has as yet not been able to confirm the rumor that several of the Celtic players have asked to be traded.

One name mentioned is free agent Kevin Garnett who has hinted that he would like to play for the San Antonio Spurs so that he can play side by side with the great Tim Duncan.

Garnett also has expressed a desire to be closer to his restaurant Kevin's Beautiful Barbecue Bunkhouse & Cantina, which is located one block from the famous Alamo.

Ray Allen, another free agent would like to be traded to either The Phoenix Suns or the Los Angeles Lakers because he says that he is sick and tired of snow.

And Paul Pierce is so depressed that he says that he may just retire from basketball and become a hip hop rap singer.

In Silver Screen News. Tri-Moon Films in association with Sky Mansion Pictures has just announced that they have signed Mila Kunis to star as the lead in the Miss USA Beauty Pageant film, Oops - The Miss Pennsylvania Story.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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