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Wednesday, 6 June 2012

image for Ronnie O'Sullivan to 'take some time off' from snooker and the internet
O'Sullivan could be back before you had spotted he was gone

World champion Ronnie O'Sullivan is to "take some time off" from competitive snooker after refusing to sign the official players' contract.

Ronnie made the announcement on his official website earlier today.

A spokesman for Ilford High St internet cafe gave an exclusive to our sports desk earlier "Ronnie was in this morning. He paid for an hour but he types so fast that he was only here for five minutes before he finished the announcement.

"It's a joy to see him typing in full flow.

"Afterwards he asked me for money back as he didn't need the extra 55 minutes but it's against company policy to offer refunds, so Ronnie looked very upset and later announced to the rest of my customers that he was taking an extended break from updating his website."

It is thought that Ronnie will play some competitive chess and be a competitor on Deal or No Deal while on his sabbatical.

There are also rumours he may write a sitcom based on growing up in Peckham, appear in the next series of The Only Way Is Essex, or do a snooker themed chat show with Ross Kemp's nan for Channel 5.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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