Written by Ossurworld
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Topics: NFL

Tuesday, 5 June 2012

The NFL feels inferior to the inferior officiating we now see every day and every game in the MLB and NBA. We want to throw the red flag, but most umpire crews only see red if you complain.

Execs and brains of pro football have decided to do something to catch up (or to fall behind), depending on the pitch you see, with their sister leagues.

Yes, NFL announced it has decided to hire "replacements" in the referee corps to take over the crackerjack job done by the men in stripes.

This move occurs because good officiating costs too much money. The NFL rules enforcers want more money, and the NFL is not about to pay for quality calls on the field.

Not since the NFL decided to go with replacement football players has there been such a golden opportunity for the ranks of professionals to be swelled by ranks of amateurs.

In a sport that heretofore has shown more accuracy (all things being equal) in play calling than you can find in baseball and basketball among the big leagues.

Alas, football needs only to be umpired once per week, whereas the NBA and MLB are constantly under the radar gun to be correct.

Football players have protested that the replacements may turn their sport into some version of the NBA playoffs on a weekly basis. They actually support the zebra contingent's desire for a few bucks to buy gruel and pay for their fancy whistles.

A few erudite fans know the NBA has worked hard to maintain their level of convicted felons among their ranks of referees. No, we do not mean Tim Donaghy, but another referee who shall remain nameless. (Crime: tax evasion and obstruction of justice).

The men in federal prison already know how to wear stripes and will be right at home on the NFL gridirons without leg irons.

We recommend that the NFL use the same program as the NBA and sweep through the federal prisons to find candidates to be NFL crime-busters on field. It may be the best way to fix the problem of striking referees.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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