Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 4 June 2012

image for Bill Maher Becomes Part Owner of The New York Mets - Receives 9,000 Phone Calls Asking For Free Tickets
Bill Maher never played baseball but he still has a ball and glove that his high school drama coach gave him.

NEW YORK CITY - Bill Maher is an observational sociopolitical commentator, which in English 101, means that he bitterly makes remarks about politics and the big boys and girls who participate in the quasi-dysfunctional p world (political).

Maher prides himself in being an equal opportunity offender who has not only shot his poison political darts at Republicans, but at Democrats, Independents, Mormons, fashionistas, and even Eskimoes, who have remained a peaceful group of individuals since the Eskimo-Peruvian War of 1693.

Maher hosts the HBO show Real Time With Bill Maher, which was originally going to be called Rants and Raves From A Dude From The Big Apple.

Tapioca Swizzle with Tittle Tattle Tonight recently sat down with Bill "The Pill," as Rush Limbaugh calls him, at Manhattan's Shanghai Sue's Sushi Sandwich Shop.

She asked him about the fact that many people wonder why at the age of 56, he has never married.

"Are you perchance insidiously insinuating that I may possibly be of the gay persuasion Miss Swizzle?" Maher asked putting down his fork.

Miss Swizzle replied that she was not doing any such thing and added that she was just simply echoing the quizzical sentiments of what millions and millions of Americans were asking.

Maher coyly responded by assuring her that he was as straight as John Travolta, Tom Cruise, and Kathy Griffin.

He then added that there are lots of men who kind of have a slight swish in their walk.

Miss Swizzle giggled and asked him about his recent sports team acquisition.

Bill perked up, putting down his knife, and said that he had just become part owner in the New York Mets baseball team.

He added that one of his financial advisers, Myron "Money Myron" Goldenwitz had brought the deal up to him last week while the two were attending a Clay Aiken concert in Brooklyn's Hey Youse Auditorium.

Bill laughed as he said that he has already received 9,000 phone calls from family members, friends, co-workers, the New York City Rockettes, and even political enemies asking for free tickets.

He noted that there are several celebrity personalities who are part owners of sports teams such as Jennifer Lopez, Gloria Estefan, and Jimmy Buffett who are owners of the NFL Miami Dolphins.

Maher pointed out that Usher is an owner of the NBA Cleveland Cavaliers and Will Smith owns part of the NBA Philadelphia 76ers.

He smiled and noted that Gary Busey used to be part owner of the NHL Detroit Red Wings until he had his ownership revoked due to his part in the infamous Detroit Red Wings Zamboni Ice Resurfacing Machine Scandal of 2009.

SIDENOTE: Bill Maher is a very complexly complicated individual, who actually speaks seven languages, but only two, English and Shoshoni fluently. He is in favor of same sex marriages, legalization of marijuana, and is a staunch advocate for the permanent elimination of fake plastic fruit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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