NEW YORK - Sandlot Andy, the chair of the baseball Playing Rules Committee, today held a press conference to announce new rules. At its May 2012 meeting, it voted to incorporate the extended infield-fly rule to apply to ground balls. Henceforth, any batter who hits a ground ball with a man on at first base, will be out, and no double play will be possible.
"We felt that the infield fly rule should apply equally to ground balls in the infield. Consequently, starting in the 2013 season, the new rules published today will be in force.
"We are also looking into automating the ball and strikes calls due to excessive aspartame use by our umpire community. We feel that the charge of 'the umpire is blind' is all too true, all too often. Aspartame consumption has blinded most of our home plate umpire staff. They will be replaced by computers starting in 2015," announced Sandlot Andy.