Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 27 May 2012

image for The Indianapolis 500 Will Become The Indianapolis 100 In 2013, In Order To Cut Down Fuel Consumption By 80%
An Indy 500 race car driven by Juan Jose "John Joe" Salsa of Guatemala. (Photo by Rico Chorizo).

INDIANAPOLIS - The Indianapolis 500 Auto Race governing body known as The Indianapolis Motor Speedway Federation Coalition has just issued a compulsory directive.

Gulliver "Green Flag" Greenhauser executive director of The IMSFC stated to the news media that in 2013, the Memorial Holiday auto race will no longer be known as the Indianapolis 500.

Mr. Greenhauser stated that in the interest of cutting down on the fuel consumption the race is being changed to the Indianapolis 100.

This change will cut the race down from 200 laps to 40 laps which will result in reducing total fuel consumption of the race by 80 percent.

Several of the racing companies have issued formal complaints with the Federal Government but as Mr. Greenhauser stated, the Federal Government has nothing whatsoever to do with the Indy 500 Auto Race.

He went on to say that if the governing body wants to change the race from using formula one race cars to using skateboards it has the right to do so.

Other money saving changes will include doing away with the tradition of the race winner drinking a bottle of milk and replacing it with a bottle of water.

The very prestigious Burg Warner Trophy, which is awarded to the Indy winner, will also be replaced and in its place the winner will receive a very nice commemorative pewter plaque with the inscription: (WINNER'S NAME) - WINNER OF THE 2013 INDIANAPOLIS 100.

Another money saving implementation will be that all pit crews will consist of no more than two team members since the drivers will not be allowed to change tires during the race.

SIDENOTE: One change that The Indianapolis Motor Speedway Federation Coalition did turn down was an idea proposed by federation coalition member Dundee F. Flutterfunk, III, 79, who suggested that the race be moved from The Indianapolis Motor Speedway to The Kokomo Community Race Track since the track rental would be reduced by 50 percent.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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