Written by Jaggedone
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Friday, 25 May 2012

image for Germans agree with Blatter; penalty shoot-outs are "scheisse" (But only when they lose)!
There's no smoke without "feuer" especially in German penalty shoot-outs!

FIFA Boss, Sepp Blatter, has asked German footbal legend, Franz Beckenbauer, to improve the Germans chances of winning when taking penalty shoot-outs.

The German national team and their federation support Sepp and Franz because they are very upset that Bayern Munich lost against Chelsea and their players are suffering a "penalty phobia" after the disaster.

Arjen Robben has entered a Dutch "Loony bin" in Amsterdam and will not be available to take penalties again until his psychiatric treatment has rid him of the traumatic experience.

Blatter said after the Chelsea game, "ziz must be stopped, Deutschland can never lose penalties to any English team because zis could lead to World War III! After all ve did a brilliant job disallowing Lampard's goal in South Africa, wunderbar!"

Franz Beckenbauer has also come up with a "wunderbare" solution, here it is: When the Germans have a penalty shoot-out in the future their National Anthem will bellow out of the loudspeaker system every time an opponent goes to shoot, putting him off his balance and making sure that he misses. Also a beach ball similar to the one that was released when Robben took his penalty, will in the future only be allowed to be thrown on to the pitch by Germans when the opposing team are taking their penalties, all other beach balls will be confiscated!

That should make sure that Germany continue its proud tradition of stuffing their opponents in all penalty shoot-outs; if not the consequences could be grave!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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