Written by radiogagger
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Thursday, 5 July 2012

image for Roman Abramovitch to quit Chelsea after eight years
Roman will spend more time with his vodka collection

After last months nail-biting European Champions League Final where his Chelsea side beat Bayern Munich on penalties, Chelsea star owner Roman Abramovitch has confirmed he is leaving the club.

After pumping around £500m into the club since the summer of 2003, the Russian gatrillionaire has decided to call it a day after finally winning the Champions League title, a trophy he pined for since the first time he entered Stamford Bridge.

The news will be a big blow to the Blues as they look to balance the books and cope with the new 'UEFA Financial Fair Play' rules, which decree that clubs can only spend 65% of their turnover on greedy primadonna footballers.

A Russian insider, said of the news "Roman has done his time, he loves the fans but feels its time to move on, and is pleased to go out at the top, lifting the Champions League trophy in Munchen"

Newly confirmed boss Roberto Di Matteo has ruled out a bid for Arsenal wantaway striker Robin Van Persie and said he'd be more likely to sign a stoner from an Amsterdam cafe after hearing the Abramovitch exit news.

In related news Didier Drogba, scorer of the winning penalty v Munich, has also confirmed he is leaving the club, after 8 years, for a career as an Olympic swimmer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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