Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 22 May 2012

image for The LaLaLand Lakers Are Eliminated From The Playoffs By The Oklahoma City Thunder 106-90 - Kobe Bryant Blames Everyone Including The Game Announcers
The price of a basketball autographed by Metta World Peace has fallen down to $2. (Photo by Jack Nicholson).

OKLAHOMA CITY - The Lakers and the Thunder battled it out but after the Oklahoma dust settled the ones that were still standing were the young guns from Oklahoma City.

According to Rufus Reno with Sports Balls Illustrated Weekly the likes of the "Thunder Trio" of Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, and James Harden were really no match for the likes of the "Dueling Divas" from Tinsel Town, Kobe "The Walking Ego" Bryant, Metta World Peace AKA "The Space Cadet," and Andrew "Phone It In" Bynum.

Reno remarked that at times the Lakers looked like they were simply playing a game of horse on the asphalt basketball court located across the street from the infamous La Brea Tar Pitts.

Bryant managed to score 42 points but that was only because he took somewhere around 217 shots as he told his team at half time to get him the ball or else he would have them traded before the Indianapolis 500 Auto Race on Sunday, May 27.

And in typical Kobesque fashion after the game, in the media room with 19 microphones in front of him, numero 24 (number 24) proceeded to blame everyone for the loss (except of course for himself).

The recently divorced Bryant stated that Pau Gasol did a little better than the previous game but he was still doing a lot of looking around as if he was on an Easter egg hunt.

Kobe said that Andrew Bynum forgot that it is not illegal to jump up and try to get rebounds and he pointed out that Metta World Peace has to stop trying to convince everyone that he is no longer Ron Artest and he has now become the mild-mannered, fundamentalist Tim Duncan of the San Antonio Spurs.

Former Dallas Cowboys quarterback and FOX sports announcer Troy Aiken perhaps stated it best when he remarked in regards to Metta World Artest (sic), "You can put an Easter bonnet and perfume on a rattlesnake but the sumbitch is still a rattlesnake."

Bryant also put some of the blame on Coach Mike Brown who he said tends to whisper at times and as a result some of the younger Laker players miss out on his instructions.

But perhaps the lowest remark came when King Kobe blamed the TNT announcers Marv Albert and Steve Kerr for the loss.

Bryant said that as he was running up and down the court he could clearly hear the two say softly anytime the Lakers scored "and the Lakers make a basket" but whenever the Thunder would score they would holler out "AND THE TREMENDOUS THUNDER MAKE ANOTHER AMAZING BASKET! MY GOODNESS THIS IS ONE TALENTED BUNCH OF PLAYERS!"

SIDENOTE: The word on the streets of LaLaLand is that Kobe Bryant is so depressed from the embarrassment of being beaten 4 games to 1 that he is seriously considering hanging up his basketball shoes and starring in his own reality show which would no doubt probably be called Kobe Bryant - The Walking, Talking Human Ego.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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