Soccer exclusive: Manchester City have been stripped of their title and Man Utd will be officially sworn is as Premier League champions 2011-2012. The ceremony will take place in front of the Queen at Buckingham Palace after Chelsea have spanked the bums of the Lederhosen. Both teams will receive "WOMD's" from the Queen for their undisputed service to Queen and country and a Swiss bank account.
The reason why Man City have been stripped is simple; their Nr 1 fan is Liam Callagher and the QPR defence suspiciously fell asleep after news filtered through that Bolton FC were relegated (very strange).
Joey "The Killer" Barton gave his opinion on this sensational news scoop, "I was offered a bung like, but me being an honest Scouser refused, so I kicked the shit out of Teves and Aguero, got sent off and now my conscience is clean!"
A slippery cockroach who slipped out of the QPR dressing room after the match heard the following conversation between 2 staunch, sturdy defenders, "hey, what are you doing with that 100k that was bunged your way?" Answer, "put it down on a deposit for my new 250.000k Bentley!"
He sent the text message to the CIA HQ (Cockroach infiltration army) and Liam Callagher was last seen with a Slipknot around his miserable neck!
More as we get it...
PS: This spoof has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that the author is a "sour grapes" United fan since 1958!