A football fan in Shepherd's Bush has been attacked by an angry mob after he was spotted strutting around West London in a Bayern Munich shirt.
'A huge crowd chased me, including members of the Anti-Nazi League. They tried to rip the shirt off my back and demanded to know where they could buy them' said QPR diehard Stan Lazarus.
The philosophical fan admitted he had a difficult moral choice to make ahead of the Champion's League Final that is being fought in the Bavarian Forest this Saturday.
'I couldn't bring myself to side with a load of fat, beer swilling bigots wearing tight lederhosen, so I decided to support Brian Munich admitted Mr Lazarus.
Chelsea captain John Terry is looking forward to the battle but will miss losing the penalty shoot out after falling foul of the Geneva Convention by performing a Blitzkrieg on the backside of a Barcelona pikey.
'Thanks for the support lads. It won't be easy, but with grit, determination and a bit of luck, I should be able to persuade Ray Wilkins to drive me out to shag Arjen Robben's missus while the Dutch poof is diving in the penalty box' said Terry.
The England defender is predicting an evening of mixed emotions.
'Winning can often be a bitter-sweet affair. You get the glory, but you also have to watch a lot of black people celebrating'.
Gary Neville will be in the studio commenting on the sex games that he enjoys with Mrs Neville and his brother Phil and will be illustrating the positions she takes up on a giant i Pad.
John Terry has denied calling Fritz Schadenfreude a "fucking German cunt".