Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 17 May 2012

image for Kobe Bryant Blames The First Two Playoff Loses Against The Oklahoma City Thunder on The "Kardashian Curse"
Charles Barkley has suggested that the Lakers visit a Louisiana voodoo woman who specializes in breaking basketball curses.

OKLAHOMA CITY - When the buzzer ending the second Western Conference playoff game between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Oklahoma City Thunder sounded, the boys from the Sooner state were the victors.

The amazing Thunder had come from being down 7 points with 2 minutes to play to take the game away from the boys from Tinsel Town.

And no one in the Chesapeake Energy Arena was more shocked than Kobe Bryant the team leader, team scolder, and team trade maker.

After the game Kobe was asked by Sherwood Frisbee with Sports Balls Illustrated Weekly what in the wild, wild world of wackiness had happened.

Bryant got that Roman gladiator look as he wiped away a towel full of sweat and simply replied, "Dude, I'm tired as hell. I'm thirsty as hell. I'm hungry as hell. And on top of all of that my shorts cup has shifted and I feel like I'm fixing to get an unwanted vasectomy."

Frisbee grinned and asked if perhaps all of the behind-the-scenes distractions that are going on are having an ill affect on the team.

"Like what bro?" Bryant asked.

Frisbee said for one thing Devin Ebanks was hit with a $25,000 fine for kicking a chair (with a fan in it) and for taking off his jersey, his shoes, and his shorts after being recently ejected for spitting on the floor and making vulgar beaver sounds.

Andrew Bynum was fined $15,000 for spilling two bottles of orange Gatorade on a hot dog vendor as well as for not staying after the game and talking to the press as the NBA mandates all players to do.

Metta World Peace was suspended for seven games for angrily elbowing Oklahoma City's James Harden to the head and Matt Barnes was reprimanded for using the "F" word in front of the number one and number two Laker fans Jack "Big Mac" Nicholson and Lou "Homeless" Adler.

Kobe just shrugged his shoulders as he looked down at his untied shoe laces.

"So Kobe, what do you have to say dawg?" Brisket asked mimicking American Idol's Randy "The Dawg" Jackson.

Kobe remarked that first of all that was the worse Randy Jackson imitation he had ever heard.

He then took a deep breath and pointed out that he does not want to make any excuses but he has to since his back is against the wall.

Bryant then told Frisbee that the reason that the Lakers have lost the first two games against the Thunder is due solely to the Kardashian Curse.

"The Kardashian Curse?" The STM reporter asked.

"Yep. That's it. Ever since Lamar Odom AKA Mr. Khloe Kardashian was traded and ever since Kim Kardashian has started attending our games with her new fella Kanye "The Pest" West we have been losing.

I am sick and tired of it and I will be meeting with Lakers owner Jerry Buss about having him ban Kim and every single Kardashian from attending any of our games."

And with that statement Kobe ran off to take a shower and wash the ELS (embarrassing loser's sweat) from his body.

SIDENOTE: Kim Kardashian was asked to comment on the fact that Kobe Bryant is blaming her for the Laker loses. She exploded and remarked that Kobe boy can kiss her humongous caboose for $2,000.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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